Committment

She asked for a breakthrough
I showed her the way

I asked for a partner
She gave me her hand

She asked for a miracle
I prayed with her

I asked for honesty
She gave me her word

She asked for compassion
I learned to listen

I asked her to show me
She painted the picture

She asked for stability
I showed her consistency

I asked for a believer
She stood behind me

We asked for love
And gave eachother our hearts

The Girl Next Door

I knew a girl once
I knew every little detail about her
It was awhile ago but,
I still knew her
Not like most knew her

I knew more

I knew more than her sense of humor
I saw further than her voluptuous hips
I saw past those sexy lips
I saw through that long beautiful hair

I knew a girl once
She had big dreams
That glimmer in her eyes that defined greatness
That realness in her walk that defied gravity
That calmness about her spirit that gave security

I knew more

I knew more than the drama surrounding her
I knew more than niggas misusing her
I knew more than the spoiled princess
I knew more than the pressured beauty queen

I knew a girl once
More than the soft words and dark smiles
I saw the tears grace down her cheeks
I saw the depths of her pain
I talked to her heart

I knew more

That fear of rejection
That fear of change
That fear of trying
That fear of disappointment

I knew a girl once
Better than she knew herself
I believed in her
I fought for her
I knew her potential

I knew more

I knew the person that she desired to be
And I know the person who she decided to be

Thats the girl you know, thats the person you see

I knew that girl once, She's now a stranger to me

A Playa's Truth

To tell the truth
I aint never really done nothing 4real
Like I aint lie about her
Of course she said I was there
Yeah yeah, "we did this, did that"
She is supposed to say all that
You think she really wants to look dumb
I mean she's already looking bad enough

THINK ABOUT IT
or
FALL FOR IT

I mean in all honesty
I dont even know who that is
What? She met me where?
Come on now, you know that aint my scene
My niggas go there, not me, I cant get with it
So you really going to believe some girl over me
She wants what you have, thats all
You know these hating hoes dont want to see us happy

THINK ABOUT IT
or
FALL FOR IT

Look baby I aint even going to lie
They see you looking good, laughing and smiling
You got a nigga thats out here about something
How you can't see thats what they want
So if you got it and they dont'
You already know they are going to do whatever they can to get it
Why you letting these tricks get to you
If they meant something I would be with them not you

THINK ABOUT IT
or
FALL FOR IT

Congratulations

So you really want to see me fall
You want to see me down and out
Crying, hurt, lonely and depressed
You want to see me with nothing
No smiles, no joy, no life

THEN WHAT?

What do you get out of it
I lost, I'm a loser, It's over
You saw all you wanted to see
I'm on my last, knees to the ground
Just pityful, hands out looking for help

NOW WHAT?

You happy now right
Of course you can smile and laugh now
It's good times, you finally did it
You wished for pain to come my way
You prayed for the hatred of hell of upon
Be proud, be joyous, celebrate because you won

FOR WHAT?

Because you were hurt
Because I cheated
Because I didnt make you smile enough
Because I didnt kiss your ass
Because I didnt tell you all you wanted to hear

You smile now because you feel I'm weak
You feel I'm vulnerable and I need you
But what have you gained
The simple facts are
I hurt you, you hurt me
I aint shit, and you the Queen
CONGRATULATIONS

Letter to Life

Dear Life,

Excuse me if the mood is somber, but the rain has a wierd effect on me at times. Listen...

"You the broad that would ride for me? Looked me in my eyes and transformed into the shaggy bitch. how you goin lie to me. you fell for the allure. its my bad you broke in something so secure. i'm no scarred. see you make it type hard for me to see the next broad and not think that she aint just another hoe or slut. i mean. i see relationships in a different view son. to get over the old girl. you gotta get a new one. half of me still wit you and i dont care yall. other half with her. im stuck, so i compare yall. me and her is now. me and you got memories. me and you got love. me and her got chemistry. she's like a friend to me. you're like the enemy. or maybe she's there just to cover that resentment b. or maybe she aint as fake as you. and wont take me through, that same phase as you. or, maybe its simple. she's seen all the pain i was in and wont make the same mistake as you. see. i never had an issue with trust. never knew you had an issue with lust. we can get through anything in this world, if the issue's discussed. was it a whole separate issue. or an issue with us." --- Joe Buddens

You have all the person you need and lose sight over the greater goal of "happiness" trippin about your wants. When your needs are being satisfied recognize that. Wants do not reflect neccessity, they just reflect a desire for more. Yet why do people feel they deserve more, when they dont appreciate what they have. If you want the greatest thing of your life to be the easiest thing in your life, something is wrong. Nothing is easy, don't fear the fight or the challenge it presents. When you are true you dont have to say, "honestly" or "i aint even goin lie" in front of your statements. When you say those things it implies that your 1st instinct was to lie, and most people go with their first instinct. Love shows itself it does not need to be said 100 times a day. Love is only powerful when it is used with action. There are good people on both ends, male and females. Neither of which can escape hurt, yet we all have the same choice once that pain is experienced. "Perpetuate the cycle of hurt, or learn from the pain, and create an avenue beneficial to the reconstruction of a clean heart." Sometimes the words stop and the tears start. Dont think i have ever felt it quite like this before.

rob hill

Chess

You want to play with fools?
If so you’ve chosen the wrong game
No fools play here
No dummies, no retards, no idiots
This is a game of genius

It doesn’t anger me that you try outsmart me
It’s the thought process behind it
The fact that you even thought you could
You thought you could jump like checkers
You thought I was really that easy

I’ve always been too smart to be stupid
I pay attention when it’s free
I see what has been seen and watch it twice
Why not acknowledge the little things
There are so many of them? Pawn

People try to get over all the time
It’s the make up of our world
Whoever has the most kings wins the game
That is the most common mistake with small minds
You only have the upper hand when it is given to you

I watched you, and saw what you were trying to do
I set up my trap, and watched you walk in
You only thought you were getting over
You only thought you could out smart me
I could shut it down at any moment just to see your face

I already know your next move
My mind told me before you showed me
I trust that over anything
No lie will be that
No knight can cover that

It’s only a game when you decide to play it
Play wisely or don’t play at all
Once again you’ve failed to learn the lesson
Sometimes you have to lose the fight
If you’re trying to win the war

CHECKMATE!

Letter to Life

Dear Life,

"Today I woke up at like 9 feeling like no other, kissed moms on the forehead, told her that I loved her." lol "Certain things ya money can't buy, like heaven in the sky, or being this fly." lol

Okay, today I'm in one of my better moods, my adrenaline is pumping and I admit I am forcing the smile. I smile for the gift, yet Iunderstand the curse. I know what I know, and most times what I believe to know is right. I fight it, and I fight it, and I fight it. Even when I know it's right, I still fight it. I ran across a quote the other day...

"Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend"

It meant so much to me. If my time is the most valuable thing I can spend, then I must watch who I give it to and choose to share it with. Going further with it, if I choose to spend MY TIME, with you, dont take it for granted, dont mis-use it. It is the most valuable thing I can spend and I chose to spend it on/with you. No money, no flowers, no gifts, cards, favors...just my TIME. When all the material things are gone, when all the alcohol and the drugs leave, all you have is time. Appreciate mine, it is far from garaunteed.

Rob Hill

Brother From Another

The words I dedicated to my brother on the day of his funeral.

Thaddius Orlando Weston
A.K.A
TEO

There's a saying that there is never a right time to say goodbye
Well since I have to say it at the wrong time can I at least know why?

God I don't get why you took back a son, brother, uncle, cousin, and grandchild
I guess I forgot time here is temporary and ultimately, he was your child

Lord I do thank you for the times and memories we've shared
His life is a blessing for us all, because we know you cared

Just let me speak to him a moment, and say a word or two
You know I need this time, Please God just from me to you

Teo, Wow you have been the man to me ever since I was five
Everything I couldn't do, you could do, in my eyes

You were faster in a race, and you could do better flips
I thought I was faster in my socks but at the end you won because I would trip

I thank you for all you have done in my life and the impact you made
You were my brother, cousin, and friend always and forever, till this day

As I look at the family there are a few smiles and many tears
Tell God we still have faith, but can't help wishing you were still here

Just to get one more I Love You and feel your warm embrace
To tell just one more joke, and see that smile across your face

I know Heaven is a beautiful place for which you were prepared
But get your wings and socks ready to race when I get there

Until then we'll hold it down and praise God for your home-going
He promised angels on Earth and your life was just him showing

Thanks God for your time, I appreciate it and I Love You
So everyone be calm and rest because, there's a smiling Teo above you

Letter to Life

Dear Life,

7am, this day, two years ago. My brother went home. I had never in my life loss someone so close, so influential, and so special to me. It hit me so hard, unlike anything i had ever felt before. Pain was an understatement, heartbreak just couldnt quite fathom the emotions that flowed through me. We dreamed so much, college, sports, family, kids, careers, cars, clothes, just about anything you could imagine.

March 7th was the day of his homegoing celebration. This day probably changed my life more than his actual death did. I asked to speak at his funeral service, my heart needed an avenue and that was the platform for my release. I woke up alone, got dressed alone, drove to the church alone. I needed me more than anything or anybody else, I had to prove to me who I was because I really didnt know.

I stood there in front the hundreds there in your remembrance. All eyes glazing up at me, your mother, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I wanted them to smile in the midst of their tears, me and you never did much crying. We never in the absence of smiles, so it just didnt feel fit for us to celebrate your life without them. There i delivered the most precious words i have ever written. Smiles lit up the room, even laughter. I cried at the end as i stared at your body, I'll never forget the warmth of your smile, the genuine love in your hug, or the sincerity in your eyes. Every day for the rest of my life my right arm bears your name, it reminds me of life, never death. No "R.I.P.", just your initials....T.E.O....I LOVE YOU

Your Eternal Brother,

Rob Hill

“To Measure the Man, Measure his Heart”

I am the man I say I am
From the way I walk
To the way I talk

A heart of gold
A mind of genius
A soul of God

The sound spirit of a champion
The mindset of a warrior
The demeanor of a conqueror

Yet stuck between the fear of the fight
Knowledge of the outcome
And ignorant of its importance

My feet cemented to a broken foundation
My mind loyal to lust and lies
My soul misplaced in mountains of confusion

A dead man with a heart
No sound, no rhythm
Just a lifeless organ

The mirror often reflects an image
The destruction of self or construction of self
My eyes reflected the heart of a stranger

Lack of care
Lack of concern
Lack of compassion

Damn shame when
Love leaves the heart
Life leaves the man

Letter to Life

Dear Life,

"You are judged by your actions, NOT your intentions."

Nobody see's what we intend to do or what we intended on doing. They only see what we did or are doing. That is black and white, and no gray area in between. Terms like "I meant to...I was going to...I was trying to...I should have...I would have...etc" There is nothing in those terms but words, and sure we can all make it sound good and fine, but it really isn't. Don't tell me you want this, you deserve that, we should be this way, SHOW ME that all this is so. I can only see and go off your actions. Your words have no merit if the correct actions do not follow. As a child we are told, "Actions speak louder than Words." This is nothing new.

Actions brings life to words, it provides them with a defining meaning. Telling me isn't half as important as showing me. I love words, I use them to express my love, my life, my pain, as well as my pleasure. Yet aside from action, they are nothing. They mean nothing, and they represent nothing. A kiss requires no words, a hug requires no words, yet that hug or kiss with eye contact and an "I love you" afterwards means that much more. Even I find myself "talking" a good game sometimes. There is only one thing that can break a promise, and that is an comprimising action. Promises, like most words are mere intentions, and there is no action in intention.

Intention- 1. an act or instance of determining mentally upon some action or result.
2. goal. Intention, intent, purpose all refer to a wish that one means to carry out.

Action- 1. something done or accomplished
2. The state or process of doing
3. an act that one consciously wills and that may be characterized by physical or mental activity

Lets be who we say we are, and do as we say we will. Intentions mean nothing until they become actions. Dont promise the world if its not yours to give, dont promise your heart if somebody else has it, and dont confuse your intentions with your actions.

Rob Hill

Letter To Life

Dear Life,

Change is inevitable. Its a known fact, but I understand the fear of change, the spirit of contentment, and the gluttonous spirit of pain. I was reading a daily quote i receive in my e-mail and it read as so...

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together" - Marilyn Monroe

The greatest things that have happened in the history of life, or the world as we know have come as a direct result of change. Yes, change can make you uncomfortable and at times even scared. It is however necessary, life is change. A common prayer called the "Serenity Prayer" focuses on change as well.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change, Courage to change the things i can, and Wisdom to know the difference."

At this point in our lives not many things last forever, we grow, we live, and most of all we change. The changes benefit those of us who allow it to, and for others we allow it to hold us back. I have fell victim to both sides of the fold. Anger, sadness, insecurities, let dows, frustrations are things we all experience, but, "You are not here because you fell down, you are here because you got up." Life will tell you everything your not, and make you forget about everything you are. Your altitude can not change without your attitude, free your mind and the rest will follow as the song would say.

Please don;t block your own blessing.

Rob Hill

Amusement Park

The rollercoaster of love seems it has made its final stop
I got off feeling lonelier than I was before I got on
Looking back at my seat I could tell I had outgrown it
Puppy love ended with the airplanes and swings

The next ride will start soon
But for the real rides the wait is long
Patience is a virtue
So I’d rather wait and ride right
Instead of rushing and riding wrong

I have a lot of new habits
More than a few personal issues
All of them including the new pains
I respect the reason for the season
And recognize the necessity of the change

I’m learning to be my number one priority
I now recognize the importance of my own happiness
For so long in front of me my heart was being dangled
To the point where I felt like my mind was being strangled
I can’t afford to lose me making you happy

I’m focused on getting my life straight
Making a better me for ME
With dreams of those improvements one day complimenting her
I fantasize about that magic carpet ride rising higher and higher
And the butterflies in my stomach lasting forever

I snap back and fall into life’s long line of reality and realize
That today I am done with forcing relationships
What is to come will be just that
Not satisfied yet content with being single for now
Just live and learn to give time “time”

The rain is far from permanent
The sun is bound to shine
I am far from giving up
My ride is merely under construction
And only temporarily shut down

I am love
That fire still burns here
Though my eyes bury the pain
And my heart hides the scars
My soul still remembers loves’ bumper cars

Letter to Life

Dear Life,

The rain just kinda puts me in a zone. I love thinking already, but the rain kinda just gets my juices flowing and my thoughts racing to the point where i cant get up from the computer until i write something. A part of me just wont let me go without expressing or sharing something with you. So in the absence of other words to write I thought a simple "i love you" would go along way! The power in those 3 words amazes me. The power of love amazes me. Love changes lives, it alters attitudes, and when its right..........its all you'll ever need! God is love, and he made me in his reflection, so love is all i desire to be! Thanks life for your daily lessons, and thanks for keeping things interesting.

Rob Hill

Lottery

Is it that she is...

Infatuated with his mind?
In love with his demeanor?
Or overwhelmed by his presence?

Her stares reflect her heart
Her actions reflect true love
Her being reflects his favor

Is it that he is...

Engulfed in her confidence
Overcome by her grace
Or blessed by her existence

His eyes scream fear
His walk embodies his nerves
His hands sweat at her touch

Is it is that they are…

Afraid to take on forever
Too selfish to overcome their past
Or so stuck in what is now

Love is not coming everyday
Real only shows under fake
And pain is pleasure right?

TAKE A CHANCE TAKE A CHANCE

It just might work out
Knowing is trying
Standing still only benefits a statue

I wonder if it’s her
Or could it be him
Pressure is on both of them

She scratched to win
He picked to play
It’s all on luck at the end of the day

Letters To Life

Dear Life,

Alot can happen in a months time. I look at the last time I wrote you and the contents of the letter, and I smile. I think I'm addicted to falling because I'm in love with the overcoming feeling of getting up. I get up everytime, every damn time I rise and feel stronger than ever. I get so caught up thinking that yesterday, I was better off than I am today. Seems like you were bringing me something new each day without cease, and I almost got scared this time. Looking back, I aint been down like that in awhile. But new beginnings, bring new feelings, and even more necessary endings. lol. Its life, and moreover it's my life. I appreciate every moment of it. Thank you for all you throw my way. I FEEL SOOOOOO GOOD. Im ready, send it all my way. I sit and I think about how strong I am...it had to take something or many things great to knock me down, and for me to get up after it...lol....its amazing to me. "If you are what you say you are, Then have no fear." I love life, get ready, im done sleeping!!!

Love,

Rob "All the man I say I am" Hill

Lost and Found

How do I show her what she is missing
How do I tell her I'm everything she is looking for

IM THAT MAN

The one who will make her smile
The one that will make her happy
The one who will love her inspite of
How do I make her see that...

I AM THAT MAN FOR HER

How do I show her
She think she wants this
She thinks she needs that
I can only say but so much
And really I can't do too much more

I love the best way I know how
Flaws and all
I'm me

But I try so hard, I do my best
Yet all she seems to want is more
I see nothing wrong with her wanting
Because I will give her anything in my reach

But I just want her to WANT ME FOR ME
And if I'm not enough I want her to want more
Even if that more is something I can't provide
Only because I know she is worth it and deserves it

But how do I show her I am all the more she will ever need
How do I make her just want ME

I will love her past her pain
I will soothe that heartbreak
I will be all the wants in the world
But most of all I AM WHAT SHE NEEDS

How do I make her see
How do I open her eyes
Can't she see the gift in me
What's so wrong with me

All the wants
All her needs
IS IN ME
But how do I make her see what she is missing

Letters To Life

Dear Life,

My heart is heavy today. I dont have time to stop, I don't have time to be scared, I don't even have time for a break. I have to press on, I have to fight, I have to live. WHY ME??? Has anything ever just made you say why me? Like everybody looking at you, everybody wants something from you. You so caught up in trying to get everybody else right, that you scared to stop and help yourself. I MISS ME!!! Lol I'm feeling so stuck that all I can do is laugh, the tears won't come, and ill be damned if start to claim depression, but I really want to just shut down and stop. BUT... if I stop, then what happens. Everybody so used to me being so strong, they so used to having something to lean on. What happens when I stop ......................................................................................................................................................... EXACTLY. Nothing, when I stop aint nothing goin happen, everything goin stay still or get worse until
I start again. I'm feeling like the walls closing in, I'm feeling like I have to do something, like I have to do it now. But I'm lost, and I aint gettin no better. Not much else to say. Love you.

Rob Hill

Our Christmas Wishlist

You really want to know what we want
Like seriously, are you sure your ready for what we really want
From...You, Yall, Females, Women period.
Well...
A man wants a woman who is confident
we want you to embody all that you say you are
Beautiful, Intelligent, Classy; the complete package
We want you to walk it just as well as you talk it
Know when to keep it real and tell us what we need to hear
But know when to be supportive, bite your tongue
Suck it up and say, "Baby i believe in you"
We appreciate your opinion but it aint always needed
We want you to be a freak, we like that stuff
But we want to be the only one that knows you have that side
We want some confidentiality in our relationships
We want to know more about us than your friends do
At least let us know before you go tell them
We want you to know that we are human
And therefore not mind-readers or mistake free
Please know we are going to mess up and do dumb stuff
We are going to go by what your mouth says
If you say one thing thats what we think you mean
We cant always decipher your riddles and subliminal messages
Tell us how you feel and exactly what you mean
Of course we know its somethings we are just supposed to know
But those things come far and in between
We dont understand yall, just as much as yall dont understand us
Know that we really do care
We cant always vocally express our emotions
But that does not mean our feelings aren't real
We dont like when you ask us did we miss you
When we do, we will either tell you or show you
We want you to still hold it down when you mad at us
People argue, and people move on, why cant you?
Realize that life is give and take
Relationships are far from that 50/50 crap people try to sell
They are 100% me and 100% you, and nothing less
Know that we are not the previous guy that you used to be with
All of us are not the same, though we do share similarities
I aint to blame for his mistakes
We want you to say you trust us, and actually show it
Dont follow us, pop up out of nowhere, or go through our phones
The worst thing to do to an innocent man is accuse him
Know that some things we do, we do them just because
We are not mean or insensitive on purpose
Most of us have just been taught to never show we care
Know that we are far more than we show on the surface
We care about little things too, we just dont make them a big deal
Sure we dont mind fussing and arguing
Long as we know you going give us some afterwards
We want and friend and a lover
Of course we know more than just sex
But please dont knock us for enjoying it, take it as a compliment
Love us hard and be stay true through the rough times
We will forever be thankful
Know that we are thinking about you just as much as you think about us
We love you too, we just dont see why we have to say it 50 times a day
We really just want something real
Be you and let us be us
Everything else will fall into place

Dear Love

I have been trying to find the words to say to you
Its crazy because, what exactly do you day
To the one thing that makes me feel whole
But is the only thing that makes me feel like nothing
I'm attracted you
That craving for the smiles you bring
That desire for the warmth of those feelings
That fire in me burning for happiness
I miss you Love, I miss you dearly
Because everything changed when you left
My sould didnt sing the same
You told me I was hard-headed
You told me I wouldn't be the same without you
But i doubted you thinking it was all about me
I said I would never want you again anyway
Cuz in the end all you really did was leave
You grew, you changed, you asked for more
I was good where we were at
Our differences led to differences that eventually led to loneliness
But I'm back now L0ve
I want another shot, I NEED another shot
The games are old now, this one and that one is gone now
I'm back to square one and its just me missing you
I believe in me now, I believe in US
I love you Love

Affectionately,

My Heart