Evidence

The pain is present and burning in my eyes
Confusion settles in and depression knocks on my door
I don't answer, I never answer, feelings aren't welcome here
Emotions left a long time ago
Is anything ever enough anymore?
Why do I reek of loneliness in a room full of people?
Why do I long for you when you only longed for him?
I cant deny my feelings but its evident that...

The pain is present and burning in my heart
I am told that things will come and go
And life has proven this to be fact
The happiness comes in the blink of an eye
But the pain takes forever to go
As much as I ignore it, as much as I run from it
The pain sharpens at the sight of you
Eye contact brings visions of you and him together
And when your gone I cant escape those thoughts
Shit I got played and it hurts but its evident that...

The pain is very present and burning in my soul
I hate cupid and his conniving ways
Shot me in my heart with an arrow to break down my guard
Then stab me in the back 30 times harder with his dagger of deception
My love was unconditional
My intentions were pure
My dedications was undeniable
My passion was true
But all of me has never been enough for half of you
The proof is in the evidence.

Letter to Life

Dear Life,

I was talking on the phone to a friend the other day. Just talking not about anything in particular and then she asked me, "Robert, why is it so hard to let it go?" I didnt really know how to respond being that it caught me off gaurd, but then I thought about it. I thought of questions I could ask myself to see why it would be hard to let it go.

1. Would I be scared to let it go because I fear being lonely?
2. Am I scared to let it go because it would hurt to see her with somebody else?
3. Am i scared to let it go because I dont want it to feel like I wasted my time?
4. Is it because I love this person and I should stick it out regardless of situation?
5. Or maybe I put too much work into for the next nigga to bear the fruits of my labor?
6. Am I scared to try something new?
7. Is it just easier being miserable than risking doing what it takes to be happy?
8. Is it just that I'm used to her?

I thought long and hard about the questions, but my answers to each one changed everytime i answered them. How do you just let go of something that has grown to be apart of you? Easier said than done thats for sure. Kinda like the old song, "See my days are cold without you, but I'm hurting while I'm with you..." LOL. Guess its like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. They say change is inevitable. Courage is the ability to let go of the familiar. It all sounds good, but how do you do it? Move on to the next? NOPE, thats just like sweeping dirt under the rug, sooner or later its bound to resurface.

I never really gave her an answer, I just shared those questions with her, in hopes that she could give me one.

Pain is pleasure right?

Rob Hill

Committment

She asked for a breakthrough
I showed her the way

I asked for a partner
She gave me her hand

She asked for a miracle
I prayed with her

I asked for honesty
She gave me her word

She asked for compassion
I learned to listen

I asked her to show me
She painted the picture

She asked for stability
I showed her consistency

I asked for a believer
She stood behind me

We asked for love
And gave eachother our hearts

The Girl Next Door

I knew a girl once
I knew every little detail about her
It was awhile ago but,
I still knew her
Not like most knew her

I knew more

I knew more than her sense of humor
I saw further than her voluptuous hips
I saw past those sexy lips
I saw through that long beautiful hair

I knew a girl once
She had big dreams
That glimmer in her eyes that defined greatness
That realness in her walk that defied gravity
That calmness about her spirit that gave security

I knew more

I knew more than the drama surrounding her
I knew more than niggas misusing her
I knew more than the spoiled princess
I knew more than the pressured beauty queen

I knew a girl once
More than the soft words and dark smiles
I saw the tears grace down her cheeks
I saw the depths of her pain
I talked to her heart

I knew more

That fear of rejection
That fear of change
That fear of trying
That fear of disappointment

I knew a girl once
Better than she knew herself
I believed in her
I fought for her
I knew her potential

I knew more

I knew the person that she desired to be
And I know the person who she decided to be

Thats the girl you know, thats the person you see

I knew that girl once, She's now a stranger to me

A Playa's Truth

To tell the truth
I aint never really done nothing 4real
Like I aint lie about her
Of course she said I was there
Yeah yeah, "we did this, did that"
She is supposed to say all that
You think she really wants to look dumb
I mean she's already looking bad enough

THINK ABOUT IT
or
FALL FOR IT

I mean in all honesty
I dont even know who that is
What? She met me where?
Come on now, you know that aint my scene
My niggas go there, not me, I cant get with it
So you really going to believe some girl over me
She wants what you have, thats all
You know these hating hoes dont want to see us happy

THINK ABOUT IT
or
FALL FOR IT

Look baby I aint even going to lie
They see you looking good, laughing and smiling
You got a nigga thats out here about something
How you can't see thats what they want
So if you got it and they dont'
You already know they are going to do whatever they can to get it
Why you letting these tricks get to you
If they meant something I would be with them not you

THINK ABOUT IT
or
FALL FOR IT

Congratulations

So you really want to see me fall
You want to see me down and out
Crying, hurt, lonely and depressed
You want to see me with nothing
No smiles, no joy, no life

THEN WHAT?

What do you get out of it
I lost, I'm a loser, It's over
You saw all you wanted to see
I'm on my last, knees to the ground
Just pityful, hands out looking for help

NOW WHAT?

You happy now right
Of course you can smile and laugh now
It's good times, you finally did it
You wished for pain to come my way
You prayed for the hatred of hell of upon
Be proud, be joyous, celebrate because you won

FOR WHAT?

Because you were hurt
Because I cheated
Because I didnt make you smile enough
Because I didnt kiss your ass
Because I didnt tell you all you wanted to hear

You smile now because you feel I'm weak
You feel I'm vulnerable and I need you
But what have you gained
The simple facts are
I hurt you, you hurt me
I aint shit, and you the Queen
CONGRATULATIONS

Letter to Life

Dear Life,

Excuse me if the mood is somber, but the rain has a wierd effect on me at times. Listen...

"You the broad that would ride for me? Looked me in my eyes and transformed into the shaggy bitch. how you goin lie to me. you fell for the allure. its my bad you broke in something so secure. i'm no scarred. see you make it type hard for me to see the next broad and not think that she aint just another hoe or slut. i mean. i see relationships in a different view son. to get over the old girl. you gotta get a new one. half of me still wit you and i dont care yall. other half with her. im stuck, so i compare yall. me and her is now. me and you got memories. me and you got love. me and her got chemistry. she's like a friend to me. you're like the enemy. or maybe she's there just to cover that resentment b. or maybe she aint as fake as you. and wont take me through, that same phase as you. or, maybe its simple. she's seen all the pain i was in and wont make the same mistake as you. see. i never had an issue with trust. never knew you had an issue with lust. we can get through anything in this world, if the issue's discussed. was it a whole separate issue. or an issue with us." --- Joe Buddens

You have all the person you need and lose sight over the greater goal of "happiness" trippin about your wants. When your needs are being satisfied recognize that. Wants do not reflect neccessity, they just reflect a desire for more. Yet why do people feel they deserve more, when they dont appreciate what they have. If you want the greatest thing of your life to be the easiest thing in your life, something is wrong. Nothing is easy, don't fear the fight or the challenge it presents. When you are true you dont have to say, "honestly" or "i aint even goin lie" in front of your statements. When you say those things it implies that your 1st instinct was to lie, and most people go with their first instinct. Love shows itself it does not need to be said 100 times a day. Love is only powerful when it is used with action. There are good people on both ends, male and females. Neither of which can escape hurt, yet we all have the same choice once that pain is experienced. "Perpetuate the cycle of hurt, or learn from the pain, and create an avenue beneficial to the reconstruction of a clean heart." Sometimes the words stop and the tears start. Dont think i have ever felt it quite like this before.

rob hill

Chess

You want to play with fools?
If so you’ve chosen the wrong game
No fools play here
No dummies, no retards, no idiots
This is a game of genius

It doesn’t anger me that you try outsmart me
It’s the thought process behind it
The fact that you even thought you could
You thought you could jump like checkers
You thought I was really that easy

I’ve always been too smart to be stupid
I pay attention when it’s free
I see what has been seen and watch it twice
Why not acknowledge the little things
There are so many of them? Pawn

People try to get over all the time
It’s the make up of our world
Whoever has the most kings wins the game
That is the most common mistake with small minds
You only have the upper hand when it is given to you

I watched you, and saw what you were trying to do
I set up my trap, and watched you walk in
You only thought you were getting over
You only thought you could out smart me
I could shut it down at any moment just to see your face

I already know your next move
My mind told me before you showed me
I trust that over anything
No lie will be that
No knight can cover that

It’s only a game when you decide to play it
Play wisely or don’t play at all
Once again you’ve failed to learn the lesson
Sometimes you have to lose the fight
If you’re trying to win the war

CHECKMATE!

Letter to Life

Dear Life,

"Today I woke up at like 9 feeling like no other, kissed moms on the forehead, told her that I loved her." lol "Certain things ya money can't buy, like heaven in the sky, or being this fly." lol

Okay, today I'm in one of my better moods, my adrenaline is pumping and I admit I am forcing the smile. I smile for the gift, yet Iunderstand the curse. I know what I know, and most times what I believe to know is right. I fight it, and I fight it, and I fight it. Even when I know it's right, I still fight it. I ran across a quote the other day...

"Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend"

It meant so much to me. If my time is the most valuable thing I can spend, then I must watch who I give it to and choose to share it with. Going further with it, if I choose to spend MY TIME, with you, dont take it for granted, dont mis-use it. It is the most valuable thing I can spend and I chose to spend it on/with you. No money, no flowers, no gifts, cards, favors...just my TIME. When all the material things are gone, when all the alcohol and the drugs leave, all you have is time. Appreciate mine, it is far from garaunteed.

Rob Hill

Brother From Another

The words I dedicated to my brother on the day of his funeral.

Thaddius Orlando Weston
A.K.A
TEO

There's a saying that there is never a right time to say goodbye
Well since I have to say it at the wrong time can I at least know why?

God I don't get why you took back a son, brother, uncle, cousin, and grandchild
I guess I forgot time here is temporary and ultimately, he was your child

Lord I do thank you for the times and memories we've shared
His life is a blessing for us all, because we know you cared

Just let me speak to him a moment, and say a word or two
You know I need this time, Please God just from me to you

Teo, Wow you have been the man to me ever since I was five
Everything I couldn't do, you could do, in my eyes

You were faster in a race, and you could do better flips
I thought I was faster in my socks but at the end you won because I would trip

I thank you for all you have done in my life and the impact you made
You were my brother, cousin, and friend always and forever, till this day

As I look at the family there are a few smiles and many tears
Tell God we still have faith, but can't help wishing you were still here

Just to get one more I Love You and feel your warm embrace
To tell just one more joke, and see that smile across your face

I know Heaven is a beautiful place for which you were prepared
But get your wings and socks ready to race when I get there

Until then we'll hold it down and praise God for your home-going
He promised angels on Earth and your life was just him showing

Thanks God for your time, I appreciate it and I Love You
So everyone be calm and rest because, there's a smiling Teo above you

Letter to Life

Dear Life,

7am, this day, two years ago. My brother went home. I had never in my life loss someone so close, so influential, and so special to me. It hit me so hard, unlike anything i had ever felt before. Pain was an understatement, heartbreak just couldnt quite fathom the emotions that flowed through me. We dreamed so much, college, sports, family, kids, careers, cars, clothes, just about anything you could imagine.

March 7th was the day of his homegoing celebration. This day probably changed my life more than his actual death did. I asked to speak at his funeral service, my heart needed an avenue and that was the platform for my release. I woke up alone, got dressed alone, drove to the church alone. I needed me more than anything or anybody else, I had to prove to me who I was because I really didnt know.

I stood there in front the hundreds there in your remembrance. All eyes glazing up at me, your mother, sisters, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I wanted them to smile in the midst of their tears, me and you never did much crying. We never in the absence of smiles, so it just didnt feel fit for us to celebrate your life without them. There i delivered the most precious words i have ever written. Smiles lit up the room, even laughter. I cried at the end as i stared at your body, I'll never forget the warmth of your smile, the genuine love in your hug, or the sincerity in your eyes. Every day for the rest of my life my right arm bears your name, it reminds me of life, never death. No "R.I.P.", just your initials....T.E.O....I LOVE YOU

Your Eternal Brother,

Rob Hill

“To Measure the Man, Measure his Heart”

I am the man I say I am
From the way I walk
To the way I talk

A heart of gold
A mind of genius
A soul of God

The sound spirit of a champion
The mindset of a warrior
The demeanor of a conqueror

Yet stuck between the fear of the fight
Knowledge of the outcome
And ignorant of its importance

My feet cemented to a broken foundation
My mind loyal to lust and lies
My soul misplaced in mountains of confusion

A dead man with a heart
No sound, no rhythm
Just a lifeless organ

The mirror often reflects an image
The destruction of self or construction of self
My eyes reflected the heart of a stranger

Lack of care
Lack of concern
Lack of compassion

Damn shame when
Love leaves the heart
Life leaves the man